So we are driving along the road toward (asking Eddie where we are headed) Hampton, Virginia. Last night Eddie played in Asheville, NC which I guess it was a mildly rockin’ show, which I missed because I felt like shit for no apparent reason. We got a chance to go eat a proper meal at White Duck Taco and it was AMAZING. We all ordered a different taco duo and drank Tecate outside in the sun. It was a little swampy, the air, but so nice. That is what I am enjoying the most about the traveling. The sitting around a table with everyone. All of us together, eating food from a new city is just icing on the cake. The fact that I haven’t done a spec of housework since we left Austin is a bonus too. Although keeping the car clean is a daily job but a new one. Man, our car was such a mess all the time, now that we are traveling everyday and practically living in it- I am becoming quite anal in keeping it together.
Oh man. We live in our car. That is a weird concept. I saw a show once on a nomadic family that traveled and lived in a tent. They packed everything into a car and would literally pitch a tent every night. I walked away from that thinking “cool” and “holy shit!” all wrapped into one.
We are lucky and get to be in semi decent hotels. Some are better than others. We are on a strict budget because we aren’t going back “home” and getting back behind a desk or collecting our millions. Like this is the shit. This is it. Whether we stay on the road (probably not) or move back into a house, we still have the same income that comes in when he is getting on stage every night and it stops on the night he isn’t.
That’s tough. That is the hard part and one of the reasons we had (not “had” but you know) to come out and experience this way of life. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, we were living our lives separately and if we wanted to be together, this was the only way. I mean, I guess he could have gotten a “regular” job and I could have went to work someplace and we could shave made it work that way but I don’t know… I know people that do that. I understand the struggle to “pick” between the love of your career and the love of your family. It’s an odd thing to think that I would never ask him to give it up for us. “Us” being the ones that aren’t on stage. The ones that weren’t apart of his childhood dreams. I’m not confused about what we mean to him now, if I asked him to give it up, he would. He would probably do it without a fight too but I never have and I never will. I figure if I need him to give up what he loves to be with me, I could just as easily give up something and be with him. What a concept! So I did. We all did and that is where we are now and it is amazing and weird and hard and so, so, so fun.
We are with our kids 24/7 and to some that might sound insane (honestly, some days it is totally shitty and I want to run away) but it was important to me to have them with their father at this point in their lives. We had discussed the fact that he never really bonded with Zeke and at 2 years old, you want to have a bond with your child. Now they are so close, ZZ doesn’t want him to leave the room without him. He would never have that feeling for his Dad if we weren’t out here. Elvis is insanely in love with him and she always has been but she gets to see a side of him that she couldn’t when he showed up once a month. When you come home from tour, to little kids, you bring gifts. Every time. Even though you know that your kids have too much shit and your wife says she will stick the next stuffed animal up your ass- you do. You risk it. You bring the gifts. It’s just what you do. So when you are young and every time you see your father, you expect and receive a surprise and you go out to eat with him and he takes you to the park in the morning and sneaks hot chocolate into your bedtime routine, as fun as this all is, that is a hard way to learn the lessons a father needs to teach you. Of course along with a mother, your father needs to teach you things and maybe there are even things has to teach you that a woman can’t. I didn’t grow up with one but as a parent it was so important for me to have my kids learn that their Dad wasn’t Santa Claus. He wasn’t the present delivery boy. He was the man in their life and that was hard to learn for them the way it was. My hope is that they will get the tools they need from him and can have a fresh start and know that he’s part of the mix. He is part of the equation that makes us a family.
And so it goes… do I worry that everything will go back to the way it was? That all the reasons we left will be there to slap us in the face in 6 months? Sure but to be honest, it was fine. There are a lot of people living very hard lives that we will never have to live. I know I grew up without a father and I am a very happy individual, so I know that they could learn to live with their father touring like he does, bringing presents like he do. If that is as bad as it gets for them, I realize we will have done a pretty good job. But that’s the other thing. Since I was young, I always knew that if things were “good” they could be better and that is sort of my lifes mission I guess. To blow the lid off this fucker.
Happy Mother’s Day.